Well, it's turns out that I'm pregnant! All that waiting with the long cycle was actually a pregnancy! I'm shocked, terrified but very pleased. This is the start of a very long 8 months. I say 8 because I'll be induced early or have a c-section; assuming all goes well. I saw my gp on Monday and had bloods taken on Wednesday that should have been done before I was pregnant but hopefully this will be in time. They're checking for a clotting disorder as there were huge clots in the placenta when Scarlett was born; they just don't know when they happened.
I'm currently 6 weeks and 1 day by my dates but we'll see if that changes after a scan. Due date 7th March 2012. I received a letter from the hospital today after my gp referred me on Monday to them (lovely doctor and very helpful and understanding) with an appointment for a nuchal scan at 13 weeks! This really threw me as I'm supposed to be under consultant care and having an early scan arranged. After a quick call to my gp he advised me to call the early pregnancy unit and explain things.
I made the phone call and spoke to a lovely midwife there who completely understood and has booked me in for a scan next Wednesday when I'll be 7 weeks. I cried on the phone though when I was giving my name and phone number after explaining the circumstances. Really isn't like me but I feel all over the place right now and very drained after doing that.
It's a very emotional time right now and I feel so conflicted. I'm still hurting and missing Scarlett and yet I have this new baby inside me that I'm already in love with and praying that it makes it to be with us. It feels so surreal. I took a photo of the pregnancy tests that I did too and they'll be uploaded soon. It's the only tangible thing I have so far of this pregnancy. I so feel exhausted all the time and am sleeping better than I have in months thankfully; no sickness but I'm eating constantly! I've also had a headache for a few weeks now. All these are normal for me in early pregnancy.
I really couldn't believe it when I saw a faint line on the first test I did. It was so faint it was barely there and the next day it was the same. I was beginning to think I was imagining it! I wasn't though; the day after there was a stronger line and a couple of days after that even more so. I also did a digital test which clearly said "Pregnant". I'm obsessed with pregnancy tests.
So far only my parents and my husband, Liam's, mum know about the baby (and Liam of course) apart from online that is. I've had so much support during this time from people that I've met online on Mumsnet, they've really been a lifeline for me and we share in each other's happy and sad times.