Saturday, 22 October 2011


I laid in bed this morning and just cried, I keep dreaming about babies, a baby boy.  I miss Scarlett and I keep seeing babies everywhere.  I'm finding it hard to look at babies again, especially newborns or ones around her age.  I keep seeing it all in my mind, that day and everything that happened.  Lying there so still, not making a sound.  I pray this baby will be ok, I can't do this again, it's hard enough as it is.  I'm 19 weeks today.  I'm up and down so much again, even during one day.  I think it's the time of year, coming up to a year.  I cannot believe it's been a year.

I'm really aching for her today even though I know it's not possible I still go over the what ifs in my mind, torturing myself.  It's all still so vivid to me and always will be I think.

Liam and my parents have been so supportive, I feel for him as his aren't at all in fact all his mother has done is cause us more stress and treat us appallingly; again.  How anyone can treat their own son like this after what we've been through is beyond me.  My family are sickened by it and just wish they could do more but they can't be his mother :(  It's bad enough he has no father (who died when he was young) but this is like he has no mother either.  You can't get this time back and make up for it, I just hope she realises that.  He's tried and tried but she won't even talk to him now, we don't even know why!  Worst thing is that she treats his brother and girlfriend like the sun shines out of their proverbial but we've done nothing but try to help her and sort things out for her and we get snubbed.  I really can't be bothered with it anymore, I just hope one day she's sorry for what she's done to him and put him through.  More pain than was ever necessary.



  1. Oh, Cheese. I am so sorry that your MIL is making life even harder for you and your DH. It must be impossible to stop caring about what she thinks and does, but at least you have the support from your family.

    Thinking of you all.

  2. Thank you, it is so hard, especially when all we've done is try to get along but we're trying to get through this. Not proving very fruitful at the moment but I really hope she'll realise what's important and what isn't.