Friday, 14 October 2011

It's been a while

I've been neglecting this blog for a while but I'm back on it now and have lots going on and that has happened!

I'm now 17+6, I can't believe that, and feeling movements.  It feels very surreal and strange, like it's all happening to someone else and not me.  I've had some very up and down days, the past few in particular have been very difficult and I've been upset, scared and panicky about this pregnancy and also missing Scarlett.  It will be a year on December 2nd since she died and was born on December 6th.  It doesn't feel that long at all and yet it feels like forever.  It still really doesn't feel like it was me that went through that, until I really think about i and then the realisation hits me.

I'm praying that everything works out this time and that by somehow not tempting fate then it might be ok.  I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes after they started me testing my blood sugars at 13 weeks.  A few days later they put me on insulin as my numbers were quite high.  I'm now injecting 3 times a day, before breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I never thought I'd be able to do that having such a fear of needles but I do.  It usually doesn't hurt but sometimes I hit a spot that does.  Still finger prick testing many times a day too.  This makes me more high risk without previous history so I'm being seen every 3 weeks a the moment by two consultants.  That will go up the further on I get and I'll be scanned fortnightly to check the baby's size.  It's all quite scary really.  My consultant said that I would have had GD with Scarlett but that it went undiagnosed. We queried this ourselves at the end last time as I had symptoms and was convinced that something was wrong but the other hospital wasn't really paying much attention no matter how many times I told them.  I even bought my own glucose urine tests which showed high amounts of  sugar at many different times, they ignored this too.  Looking back at the post mortem results, combined with my symptoms, it's likely that GD played a part (if not caused) Scarlett's death.  It's incredibly painful to think that we could have prevented it but that a lack of care may have proved fatal.

I know now that my sugar levels are still very varied regardless of what I eat. I've cut out all sweets and sugary drinks, but then I didn't eat/drink many of them anyway and I'm eating set amounts of carbs (as advised) but still my levels are higher at some points than they should be; that's after insulin too.  The fact that I have it so early also points to me having had it last time too.  I'm doing everything I can to keep my levels stable but I've had to gradually increase my insulin dose over the weeks.  They warned that would happen more and more as I get further along too.

As I mentioned before, lots has been happening.  Ethan (4) broke his foot 4 weeks ago and is just out of plaster, we have to go back to the hospital today though as he hasn't been able to put any weight on it since having the cast off two days ago and is still in a lot of pain.  They didn't x-ray it again so I assume they will do that today and that he might need another cast on.  He managed to break his foot jumping up and down in the (carpeted) living room and went over on his foot!  Shocking really.  He's coped really well with it though and been very brave.

Liam's been very ill and in and our of hospital as his platelet levels dropped dangerously low so he was started on medications to raise it, it's now being lowered as they try to stabilise his levels.  Platelets did go up but now we need to see how his body reacts as the medication is lowered.  He was at a high risk of spontaneously bleeding when they were so low and it was really worrying.  He seems to be getting on ok now and is seen by a consultant every couple of weeks for reviews and blood tests.  He has a condition called ITP and it's re-emerged causing the platelets to drop.

On the first day back at school this term we were driving in and a car pulled out right in front of me causing me to crash into him.  Luckily we were all ok but it was terrifying and we were checked over by paramedics, three of us were taken into hospital too.  I had a scan which showed the baby to be fine, thankfully, and we were left bruised and stiff.  I'm still feeling the after effects now, weeks later and we're all anxious about being in the car, especially the children.  I've had awful headaches ever since too which have been more annoying as I can't take much for them. The other drive admitted liability so at least things aren't long and drawn out. Still not got the car back though, we've been using a courtesy car.

I have my anomaly scan in two weeks time, with Scarlett this showed echo-genic bowels so I'm quite nervous about it.  Also worried that the baby could be on the large side already.  Hoping for healthy.  I have some photos to add but they're not all on the pc yet so I'll work on that.

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