Thursday, 21 July 2011


I had my scan yesterday but it didn't go quite to plan.  Firstly I had my dates mixed up and was actually supposed to be there next week...Luckily they managed to fit me in and after waiting for a few hours I was seen and scanned.  The staff were all really lovely and the sonographer decided to do an internal scan as you couldn't see much abdominally.  I only measured about 5 weeks; gestational sac was there and the yolk sac was seen but nothing else.  I was quite shocked.  I'm supposed to be 7 weeks but thought maybe 6 as I ovulate late. I didn't expect 5.  I hoped to see a heartbeat and now I'm hoping I don't miscarry.  No more scans were booked so now it's a limbo just waiting until 12 weeks!  Well, I'm not prepared to do that, I can't.  I just couldn't cope with all the waiting, I think my mental health would suffer.  I've decided to book a private scan for next week and hopefully we'll find out one way or the other by then.  I'm going to call The Fetal Medicine Centre in London and hope they have space for next week for an early scan.

I have a consultant appointment next Thursday so I'm not sure whether to try for Wednesday or Friday next week.  See what is available I guess as they may have nothing at all.  On a good note, the pregnancy was in the right place and looked to be developing normally but I'm really worried now.  I've started to feel crampy this morning but I don't know if that's been triggered by my mind worrying about losing this pregnancy.  I feel so deflated.  I've not given up hope but I know this week is going to be a long one.  I just wish everything was more simple and easy and that I didn't have to constantly worry about everything.

I had the results of my blood tests yesterday and they were all fine, no clotting issues so I'm extremely happy about that.  I worried that I was, in a way, responsible for Scarlett's death but at least I don't have that to fret about now as well.  One less thing ticked off the list.

I seem to have spent all day yesterday and now today worrying.  I didn't sleep that well, kept waking up and I woke this morning with a horrible headache.  I wish we had some sun at least, the weather seems to affect my moods quite a lot.

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